The shortest, longest month ever
"If I can sustain you through your shame, I can sustain you through your exultation."
This is what God spoke to me as I sat in the back row of our church weeping before Him. The sermon was over God's answer to Hannah's prayer for Samuel. But I was not crying because I wanted another child, or because I wanted to adopt. These were still intense desires. But I was afraid that God would answer them! Believe it or not, I had grown comfortable in waiting for God to answer my request... it was easy to stay humble, it was easy to remember to lean on Him, and I was very much enjoying the spiritual strides that I had been making. I didn't want to let those go! I was scared to death that if I did not have this crisis, this unfulfilled longing looming over my head, that I would not grow as I had before. It was then that the voice came, "If I can sustain you through your shame, then I can sustain you through your exultation." (Exultation was in the context of the verses we were studying... meaning something akin to "answered prayer" in this context).
Little did I know at that moment that God would reveal what He had been preparing us for, for so long, that week. That Thursday, the girls were napping, and I got a phone call. Irene, from the adoption agency we had used to start our miserable attempt at adoption was calling. She wanted to know if we would be willing to consider a little boy with Hunter's Syndrome. She outlined all the worst case scenarios, made sure that we understood that the mother, who had not yet given birth, had not made a decision for adoption yet, but that they were looking for willing families, just in case. I knew Joel would be all for it, but I told her I would talk to him. So I called him right away, and called Irene back as soon as I could, lest she think we were only half-hearted about this! At this point I was in another world. We had errands to do, and I prayed I wouldn't get in a car accident because I was so distracted! The girls fell asleep in the car on the way, and I ended up stopping at a small, quiet parking lot to cry and to pour my heart out before God. His needs were significant, so I didn't know what that would mean. I didn't know what to ask for... so I prayed for this little boy. I prayed that God would use his life in a mighty way, that he would be a mighty warrior in God's army, and I prayed for clarity and peace for the birth family. I think we stayed there for about an hour, and by the time the girls started waking up, I was confident that God would lead us no matter what.
I learned later that they had put Hudson up on their nationwide network, but that no one had stepped up, and the agency were discussing what to do. The international adoption directer piped up with, "What about the Romans?" God DID have a reason for leading us down that defeated road a year earlier!
It was decided that we would re-start our homesudy in line with domestic adoption, this time, just in case, and that we would do it in only a couple weeks! During that time we met with his biological parents for the first time, which is a miracle all of its own. By the end, they were almost "getting us ready" to take him. They were a sweet couple who had just found out that both of their boys, their 3 year old and the boy she was carrying, had a serious, rare metabolic disorder that would completely alter their lives. They made the hardest choice I'm sure they will have to make when they chose to entrust Hudson into our care.
Homestudies are not easy. Waiting is not easy. Doing homestudies in record time, figuring out how to pay for this, getting ready, guarding your heart at the same time is not easy. Also, getting 3 little girls ready while guarding their hearts is also not easy. The ground was constantly shifting under our feet. We knew that with God, the end is as sure as the beginning, and we stayed our eyes on Him. He was in control. Isaiah 43, "Do not fear for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name, you are Mine," became our special applied promise during this time. We clung to the God who made that promise with everything that we had.
This is what God spoke to me as I sat in the back row of our church weeping before Him. The sermon was over God's answer to Hannah's prayer for Samuel. But I was not crying because I wanted another child, or because I wanted to adopt. These were still intense desires. But I was afraid that God would answer them! Believe it or not, I had grown comfortable in waiting for God to answer my request... it was easy to stay humble, it was easy to remember to lean on Him, and I was very much enjoying the spiritual strides that I had been making. I didn't want to let those go! I was scared to death that if I did not have this crisis, this unfulfilled longing looming over my head, that I would not grow as I had before. It was then that the voice came, "If I can sustain you through your shame, then I can sustain you through your exultation." (Exultation was in the context of the verses we were studying... meaning something akin to "answered prayer" in this context).
Little did I know at that moment that God would reveal what He had been preparing us for, for so long, that week. That Thursday, the girls were napping, and I got a phone call. Irene, from the adoption agency we had used to start our miserable attempt at adoption was calling. She wanted to know if we would be willing to consider a little boy with Hunter's Syndrome. She outlined all the worst case scenarios, made sure that we understood that the mother, who had not yet given birth, had not made a decision for adoption yet, but that they were looking for willing families, just in case. I knew Joel would be all for it, but I told her I would talk to him. So I called him right away, and called Irene back as soon as I could, lest she think we were only half-hearted about this! At this point I was in another world. We had errands to do, and I prayed I wouldn't get in a car accident because I was so distracted! The girls fell asleep in the car on the way, and I ended up stopping at a small, quiet parking lot to cry and to pour my heart out before God. His needs were significant, so I didn't know what that would mean. I didn't know what to ask for... so I prayed for this little boy. I prayed that God would use his life in a mighty way, that he would be a mighty warrior in God's army, and I prayed for clarity and peace for the birth family. I think we stayed there for about an hour, and by the time the girls started waking up, I was confident that God would lead us no matter what.
I learned later that they had put Hudson up on their nationwide network, but that no one had stepped up, and the agency were discussing what to do. The international adoption directer piped up with, "What about the Romans?" God DID have a reason for leading us down that defeated road a year earlier!
It was decided that we would re-start our homesudy in line with domestic adoption, this time, just in case, and that we would do it in only a couple weeks! During that time we met with his biological parents for the first time, which is a miracle all of its own. By the end, they were almost "getting us ready" to take him. They were a sweet couple who had just found out that both of their boys, their 3 year old and the boy she was carrying, had a serious, rare metabolic disorder that would completely alter their lives. They made the hardest choice I'm sure they will have to make when they chose to entrust Hudson into our care.
Homestudies are not easy. Waiting is not easy. Doing homestudies in record time, figuring out how to pay for this, getting ready, guarding your heart at the same time is not easy. Also, getting 3 little girls ready while guarding their hearts is also not easy. The ground was constantly shifting under our feet. We knew that with God, the end is as sure as the beginning, and we stayed our eyes on Him. He was in control. Isaiah 43, "Do not fear for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name, you are Mine," became our special applied promise during this time. We clung to the God who made that promise with everything that we had.